This content has been developed to help Kinship carers support family time with the child’s birth parent. Within these pages are suggestions of activities that can be done during family time that can be adapted to be used both in person and virtually if this is what is needed for the child.
There is information on where to seek help and advice and if appropriate where you can access family mediation to help build bridges in your relationships if this is needed to help move on the supervising/supporting of family time from the Family Time Hub/Social Work Service.
What is Kinship Care?
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What is family time?
Family time is the term best used to describe the arranged meetings/visits that take place between children and their family members when the child/ren do not live with them. That usually means their parents, but arrangements can also include the child’s siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, family friends and even school friends.
Every situation is different, but the aim is to try and make sure the child stays in touch and maintains meaningful relationships with people who are important in their lives.
We speak to kinship carers every day and we know that managing family time with the family member can be a hugely positive experience for everyone, however there can also be times where this is a challenge. But with good planning and communication, you can help make it a positive experience for the child you care for.
Always keep the child’s welfare in mind when making decisions and try to involve them in the process as much as possible.
Why Family Time with family members is important:
The arranged time a child in kinship care spends with their family members can have many benefits, but it works best when it is managed well. Family time with family members and friends brings many benefits to the child you care for. It allows them to stay connected to their family, maintain a sense of who they are and better understand what has happened to them. It allows the child to maintain key family relationships and a sense of identity.
A child can feel a sense of loss when they are separated from their parents and wider family. Positive family time can help them deal with those feelings and begin to repair and build important relationships.
Family time with family members is even more important when it maintains and builds on a child’s racial or religious identity. With good quality family time experiences, they can maintain a connection with their wider community.
How Family Time works:
Family time is the time the child spends with its birth parent/family member.
Family time with the family member may be arranged through the court, Children’s Hearing or the Social Work service. How it is arranged will depend on what type of kinship care arrangement you have and what type of Family Time has been agreed. We can arrange to have a formal agreement made with you, the parent and your kinship worker to set boundaries and goals so that everyone is working together for the best interests of the child.
If you have an informal kinship care arrangement, you will need to work with the child and their family to plan and organise good family time.
Family time can happen in many ways.
- The child can spend time with their family members in person and that can be with you or another trusted adult there with them.
- The meeting may be in your home or the home of the person they are spending time with.
- Depending on the agreement made surrounding the family time, this might have to be ‘supervised’ at all times or ‘supported’, meaning you can dot in and out but remain in the area, or ‘unsupervised’.
- This can also be time with the child’s siblings.
- Most family time is for a set amount of time and is usually a short visit, though this can also include overnight stays.
In some cases, this may be arranged to happen in a dedicated family time centre (e.g. Aberdeen City Council’s Family Time Hub) with a staff member supervising or supporting the session and they will record the interactions if this is part of the child’s plan. A referral will be made by social work in order to use the Family Time Hub. These sessions within the hub will not be forever and a plan will need to be made with yourself, the family member, the Kinship Team and the social worker involved with the child on how to move this session on to be “supervised, supported or unsupervised” by yourself or another family member or another venue for example Avenue, which is part of Relationships Scotland (further information about Avenue and the Family Time Hub is at the back of booklet)
There is also digital family time to think about too. A child may want to stay in contact with family by phone or tablet, which may include calls, text messages, video chat and social media. It may even be appropriate for the child to maintain contact with family by letter or it may be left for you to decide as a family.
Managing the Family Time:
You have told us that managing family time with family members can, sometimes, be one of the most stressful parts of the role. There is pressure to get it right and you want to make the right choices for the child you care for. There is now a dedicated worker within the Kinship Team to help with family time, offering support and guidance.
Build relationships:
Family time with family members works best when everyone involved makes the decisions that are in the child’s best interests. In most cases, family time is with the child’s parents and hopefully, you will be able to work with them and have a good relationship.
However, that isn’t always easy. Though a parent may have, at first been pleased that you were able to step in and care for their child, sometimes those feelings can change. They may start to feel sad and even angry about no longer having care of their child. You may also find that the child’s parents may continue to struggle with the behaviour that led to the child being in your care, or other issues.
One way to build these relationships with parents and other family members is to keep them informed. You can help them feel part of the child’s daily life by letting them know about important events or how they are growing, changing and developing.
If family time is taking place out with your home, then Kinship carers are actively encouraged to be involved in transporting children to and from spending time with their parents/siblings. This helps the child feel more secure travelling to and from and allows them to see a positive relationship between their parents and carer during handover.
Kinship carers can share important information about the child’s welfare, likes and interests in supporting the planning of family time. It will also be important for kinship carers to support the child to share their views about how this is progressing. Thay may include sharing observations in relation to the child’s behaviour, before, during and after family time.
If the relationship with family members does become difficult then reach out to your kinship worker and/or social worker for the child, if there is one involved and we can work together to try and find a solution to help keep the family time positive for the child.
Set clear boundaries:
Having a family time contract will help with setting boundaries/expectations and have everyone working together.
The aim is always for the child to have positive family time with family members and for this to be safe for the child. However, the parent or family member may behave in way that you think is unacceptable or harmful to the child’s welfare. Though this can be upsetting, try not to criticise them directly.
Instead, find a way to speak to them alone when they are calm, and you are away from the child. Explain what you expect from them and how their behaviour is having a negative impact on the child. If you set clear boundaries and goals, they will have a better understanding of how family time should work and their responsibility to make it work.
For example, if a parent is not reliable, you may ask them to confirm family time by phone prior to taking the child to the location and them being let down. If boundaries and goals do not improve the situation, you may be able to get a trusted and reliable family member to support you. Your Kinship Worker/Social Worker for the child will also be able to provide support, advice and guidance.
Keep the child safe:
It is a child’s right to have family time with parents, but their welfare and safety is always the most important thing and their right to safety must be prioritised by everyone involved in the arrangement. Managing family time when there is a risk, or if the meeting becomes unsafe on the day can be very challenging.
As a kinship carer, it is your responsibility to make sure the child is safe. You may feel guilty or worry that a parent may react negatively if you step in when you have a concern. But you do need to take action to stop family time if it becomes unsafe.
For example, it may be that the parent is not in a fit state because they have been drinking alcohol, using substances or because of their emotional health. If you need to stop the session, it is a good idea to write down the date and any details about why you made that decision.
The parent may later ask a court or Children’s Hearing to review and make family time arrangements if they feel they have been unfairly stopped from seeing their child, or if they want more sessions. The court or Children’s Hearing will want to know why you stopped any family time with them. It might be a good idea to keep notes or a diary of the dates, times and brief summary of how the family time went.
If a court or social worker is involved, it is important that you keep the social worker informed right away. If you think family time with a parent is not working, talk to your kinship worker or call the kinship team if not have an allocated worker and they will be able to offer you advice and guidance. If appropriate they help you to access mediations services.
Choose a neutral setting:
Family time can happen in a variety of settings, ranging from centres, venues in the community and even in family homes where appropriate. In some cases, you may prefer to organise a meeting or activity in a neutral setting. Choose a venue that suits the child’s needs and be clear about who is responsible for paying for access to venue, snacks etc.
Family time can bring up difficult feelings or memories for some children. It’s important that they always feel safe, so family time spent in a communal space or dedicated centre may be a good idea.
If you arrange an activity for the child and the family member, it can take the pressure off and give them a shared experience. It can be a good way to make everyone feel more comfortable and help make the family time positive for the child.
Be flexible and supportive:
Family time will need to change as the child grows and gets older. You should review and update the arrangements as the child’s own routines change, and they are able to be clearer about what they want from that time with family.
Speak to the child’s parents and or family member that is having family time as much as possible to try and make sure everyone is involved in making good decisions. If your family time arrangements are part of a support plan from children’s services, this will be reviewed regularly, and you can ask for an early review.
Preparing a child for Family Time
Now we know why and how – how do we get a child ready for spending time with their family member.
Family time with family members allows a child in kinship care to maintain a connection and build relationships with their family, usually their parents. It can also be a difficult time for children, but with the right support it can be a positive experience with many benefits.
Talk to the child about family time
As children grow older, you can more fully explain why they are not living with a parent, or why they can’t have more family time or overnight stays. Getting this right can be hard, we can use life story work to help with this process.
Let the child know they can ask questions. Try and make sure you use words that match how they understand the world when you give your answers. Remember that children can become very worried about their parents’ welfare.
Family time with family members can be a good way for you to support the child as they establish a sense of identity. You can work with them to add life story material, such as photos, items from activities together and paintings etc.
Clear contact arrangements
Children always find life easier when things are clear. It’s important that you take time to agree and understand your family time arrangements, so that you can explain them to the child you care for. Always try and keep them informed as much as you can.
If you are a kinship carer with a Residence Order or Kinship Care Order, you may have a support plan from children’s services that states exactly how family time should work. If you have a more informal kinship care arrangement, it is more likely you will need to agree and arrange how family time will work with other family members.
Speak to the child you care for often about family time and let them know when it will be and what they can expect. If you think it’s appropriate, you may want to write the arrangements down or keep a shared paper or digital calendar with the child.
Understand the child’s needs
Every child has different needs that will depend on a range of factors, including their age. That means each child will respond in their own way to family time with their family member, so it can sometimes be a difficult process at first.
Common issues kinship carers share with us include younger children becoming clingy or wetting the bed for a few days after family time. For older children, it may cause them to become more easily distressed and feel angry or sad. Family time can be an emotional experience and stir feelings that they will need to work through.
As a kinship carer, do your best to listen to the child you care for, watch how they react to situations and understand what they need. The better you know them and how they cope, the easier it will be to make decisions that benefit them and their relationships.
Reassure and provide space
One of the most helpful things you can do for the child you care for is listen to what they say and allow them to share their feelings. It’s normal for them to feel worried or unsure about family time with their family member but reassuring them can make it a lot easier.
While many children benefit from family time, for others it can be more difficult and raise issues that are upsetting and hard to process. Tell them that you are there to support them and give them the space to work through their feelings when they need it. Remember, you are not alone, ask the others around the child or Kinship team if it is difficult. It is ok for the child to say “no” and not want to go to family time, they shouldn’t feel pressurised into going to this by any adult in their life.
Once those feelings calm down, you may be able to help them understand why they are not in their parents’ care. You can explain the situation and that you know it is hard for them. Just having you there to talk things through can make a big difference.
